Desperately

side note: i haven't updated for 3 weeks and the mushrooms my mum is frying in the kitchen is invading my senses.

thought of the day: would you prefer my blog to have the dumb funny shit or the good proper shit?

anyway back about life, it's been one hellofa weekend. went to thumper with clara, kim and daniel on good friday and partied for 3 hours there before we decided we shall not stay (i don't really like thumper now) and club hop to dbl o after sending one 'drunkbastard.net' home. on top of the cups of chivas and green tea mixer, i pilled on a bottle of barcadi breezer, 1 shot and a flaming lambo. after that i was good to go on the dance floor which didnt last very long because of the ratio of sperms to eggs around us. went back for another shot of tequila before walking out the club proving that i could walk straight.

yesterday was party at zouk, cindy's (da jie) birthday. i was quite woozed out by last night, didnt get sufficent rest so i couldnt take my alcohol very well. had a few cups which include bourbon coke, tequila coke, shared tequila orange (which esther tan told the bartender to add a shitload more than the orange. daniel and clara wanted to make me drink a waterfall but they didnt have it so me and clara settled for a flamming lambo each. we then left the club at 3am with me piloting an areoplane towards dan's car. (:

and that's my crazy weekend for you.

we spent valentine's night at hk cafe at whitesands. i made her wait for like and hour plus for me cos i was still stuck in school. but my best friend told me that she had to be home a little early so we just hung out for awhile.

"aye, my mum isn't too happy tonight. my brother's teacher called her up at home to complain about my bro."
"say what?"
"say he disrupts the class and all la. and she thinks my brother's grades aren't good enough."
"huh... very bad ah? fail issit?"
"no la. high B."
"huh??? what the fuck. okay what..."
"you know la, she wants the best. she want him to get A and all that. and she says that I never pay attention to my brother lor. what the fuck, i spent my sat and sun at home teaching him. those days people our age sure go out. me? i stay at home. she doesn't see that lor."
"hmm. if i were you i'll tell her off. too much already la. you know what? i very stress le."
"stressed? i feel weird lor, if i don't feel stressed."
"stressed with school what. people busy not like you, 9 to 5 job. and my mum is pressurizing me about my theory exam."
"take for what? you also not gonna be piano teacher..."
"don't know la. i promised her i'll finish the theory at least." (you know i feel like paying her my ang pow money to fail my music theory. i never study.)

grace looks at the watch and said "shit. it's almost nine. i have to be home."
I studied the menu for awhile. "i don't want to go home and face the music."
my best friend took a drag and finally said
" i don't want to go home and face my mom."

Current Mood:

stressed

righttttt so i was trying to make lunch at home just now. was too lazy to go down and buy food and i didnt want to be stuck eating maggie mee all the time, so i found a little leftover rice in the fridge. dumped a can of baked beans over it, cracked open an egg over it and shoved it in the microwave.


*pause* 
hear dan telling me about what molecules what radiation in the microwave, hear grace yelling about no moisture in the microwave and rion of all people laughing his ass off at me.

let me continue.

i usually microwave my stuff for a min cos thats more than enough to heat up cold food. when a min was up i checked the lunch and saw the the egg (only the egg!) was not cooked properly. so i popped in for another min and a half then the egg white turned solid. 
happily i brought my lunch over to the coffeetable and procceded to settle myself down in the front of the tv and my laptop. after squeezing my way through the gap between the coffee table and the so-called sofa (cos its made of wood =____=) i used a spoon to poke my egg yolk to check if its semi-cooked (i like my yolks semi-cooked, the yellow fluid and all) and guess what when i put pressure on it it exploded! egg attack!!!

i stood there stunned for 10 secs and i was like... oh noooooo. i had speckles of dried egg yolk on my face, specs, shirt, over my messy coffeetable, the floor, the sofa( thank god its made of wood), my bag, my lappie, my theory homework... bah. it was messy but it wasnt hard to clean. worse off all when the yolk destructed a bit of hot yolk shot up and burnt my palm so there is a red spot there. i messaged rion told him i hurt my hand, he asked in concern,what happen. and i told him it was a exploding egg. he actually calle to laugh at me. =_______= oh well, at least i brighten up his day by hurting my hand. now i know exploding eggs make your days sunshine.

Zzzzz.

somtimes, god, give us the strength to face and deal with the choices we have made in life. the sour in the sweet that had wanted to indulge it but we just could not spit out the nasty citrus taste. it stings out tongue, it's loathing and we never want to try it again as long as we could. but sometimes for the sweet stuff we are more then content to swallow bitterness down along with it cos we know what we had loved for.

surrender to the fact that somethings are hard to keep their invisibility shield on, but it is what i really want out of it. i want to be able to think in a more practical sense (that's what i like to become, someone who can be rational) and i can to a certain extent, however you can't be rational all the time. as much i refuse to let the emotional disease overtake me, i refuse to even absorb a little emotional frequency. i get annoyed, i get frustrated, and not to mention, of all, the forbidden one, emotional. and sometimes i realize its someting that is so minor on the surface, but grip such a huge force on my heart. 

is it that hard to walk away into a new world? is it that hard to rebuild your lives without the shadow of your past lurking in your dreams at night? for the moment they only come at night, but when it builds out, it'll overtake you in the day.

what's bad, knowing that everything i okay, but someone you know you're not. fighting so hard not to let this unecessary emotion surface out. cos, rationally,it can do nothing to be resolved, but its something you have to face, accept it and get over it. so i'm glad to say, sad to say that i am trying. for the sake of keeping the fruit that i've searched so long to taste its sweetness.

for my dear friend in turmoil:  
i guess i've said what its needed to be said. when everything is burnt down and what is left is the skeleton of your foundation all burnt and charred, we just have to face to the fact that we can never build a city of happiness with this piece of land. so we go on hunting for a fresh patch. we have to test the soil. is it stable and good for farming? we have to explore it to know how far we can go with it. we must see if its a good surviving place, having rivers and seas for fishing etc. it might look barren at first glance but you never know you might just find lumps of gold underneath.

you can spend your lives trying to rebuild with twigs and branches around you. hoping you'll gain the ideal home. but your roof falls apart, your walls most importantly, falls apart. and when the rain comes, you're left stranded, you're left cold. then you realize that you have to go the distance. no matter how long, how tiring how painful it is, you know what want that ideal home so badly. be it you search for a new land, or your limted mortal strength to lumber trees, you need something different from where to started off to build for foundation. soon, my dear friend, you'll have a roof that never breaks, walls that never fall.

Current Mood:	contemplative
Current Music:	sophia- nerina pallot

i swear i might lose my metabolic rate and my boyfriend agrees that i've gained weight. then again i have not yet consult the holy weighing machine.






















and sometimes i eat when i'm not really hungry.

Current Mood:	creative
Current Music:	Le Disko- Shiny Toy Guns

New year's eve. Rion, grace, daniel and me went for a round of drinks at Holland V. Being 19 and all living the restricted family life, we two girls have never EVER been to Holland V and it was super cool! Ok, maybe it won't be as super cool on normal nights but it was super cool on the night of new year's eve. We spent the evening at Indochine (which was where we spent on last year for me and grace but at CQ) fagging and being stupid (as usual). The place was great. Bars squeezed and lined up side by side. The sight of booze and smoke in the air is my THING (rion's gonna kill me). No la, it just gives me a happy feeling. Yup. Dan drove cos he got his license and all and by midnight the bar opposite the one we're in started banging pots and pans with wooden spatulas. Cute banter. I like.

A year older some things haven't change, and some changes have taken place. What that is the hardest the change doesnt and what we don't want to changes actually does. And I still haven't found myself. I guess what we need each year is not for constant uphills but events that would help us grow and learn as we become older. We don't wanna be on our deathbeds at the end of our lives asking ourselves "What have we done?" and leave our lives in regret.

Current Mood:	contemplative
Current Music:	I Like That- Mariah Carey